


Flavor of the Day - Neapolitan

by zebraljb



Series: Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice [1]
Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Dirty Talk, Eggsy isn't Kingsman but Harry and Merlin are, Fantasizing, M/M, established Merlahad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-20
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2020-05-15 03:22:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19287091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zebraljb/pseuds/zebraljb
Summary: Eggsy is working his boring job at an ice cream parlor when two very handsome men come in.  He tells his friend Roxy everything he'd like them to do to him/with him...but they can't hear him.  Right?





	Flavor of the Day - Neapolitan

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to eggsyobsessed for the title and for ice cream flavors. :)

NEAPOLITAN

“Oh, thank fuck,” Eggsy says as soon as Roxy appears from the back, pulling her hair into a ponytail. “I’ve been going fucking INSANE here by myself.”

“It’s all your fault.” She goes to the computer and clocks in. “You’re the one who keeps taking the double shifts.”

“Need to pay rent, don’t I? I’ll be fucked if you think I’m gonna move back home with Mum and that bastard.”

“Well, I see why you’ve been going insane.” She looks around the empty ice cream shop. It’s the chilly day in the middle of April and foot traffic outside the store is minimal. “You usually don’t handle inactivity well…what have you done?”

“Nothing,” Eggsy protests. “I was an angel.”

“Eggsy, I’m the assistant manager. If you screwed anything up James will blame me.”

“I didn’t do nothing that would get you in trouble,” he vows. “I simply alphabetized a few things, rearranged the stockroom…”

“Eggsy!”

“I’m joking, love.” He kisses her cheek. 

“Now you have to be on your best behavior. I’m training someone tonight, and we need her to stick around.”

“I’m always on my best behavior.” Eggsy jumps up onto the table behind the counter and swings his legs. 

“That is a lie,” Roxy retorts. “You’ve been here, what, four years, and you still act like a teenager.”

“I practically AM a teenager.”

“You’re twenty-three. That is NOT a teenager.”

“I just get bored,” Eggsy whines.

She starts organizing things around the register. “Then maybe you should find a job that stimulates you a bit more.”

“Not that easy,” he mutters, staring at his filthy work shoes. Most business take one look at his address and hear three words out of his mouth and politely show him the door. “Once I save a bit of money I can start taking uni classes.”

“Eggsy, I’ve told you, I could lend you some…”

“No. You’re a dove for offering, but no. Gotta do it on my own,” he says with a sigh.

“Amelia is due any minute…please be good!” Roxy begs.

“I will, swear down,” Eggsy promises.

He starts wiping things down as Roxy welcomes their new employee, a pretty young woman about their age with dark hair pulled back into a bun. When Roxy introduces them Eggsy smiles politely and shakes her hand. “If you have any questions, feel free to ask Eggsy. He’s been here forever.”

“All right,” Amelia says shyly.

“That’s right, love. Ask anything you want…I’m an open book.” Eggsy gives her a wink. She hesitantly smiles back and he notices her playing with her left ring finger. A beautiful engagement ring sparkles there. “Don’t worry, Amelia, I ain’t interested in you that way. I’m as bent as a paper clip,” he says cheerfully. 

“He means it, Amelia. He will talk about anything,” Roxy says, but she gives Eggsy a fond smile. “Keeps things interesting around here.”

“My mission in life.”

“Well, if you could make it your mission to scrape down the containers, I’d appreciate it.”

“Fine,” he huffs, hopping down from the table.

Roxy takes Amelia into the back to show her around while Eggsy starts working in the ice cream case. He’s halfway into the third container when the bell tinkles above the door. “I TOLD you they were open,” he hears a male voice say.

“Thank God,” Eggsy says to the ice cream. He wipes his hands on a wet rag and stands up to greet the customers.

His heart actually catches in his throat at the site of two tall and handsome men in their early fifties. One man is dressed in a beautiful suit that accentuates the long lines of his body. He has legs for days, dark hair, and warm brown eyes. The other man is bald with a hawk-like profile, strong jaw, and the most beautiful hazel eyes Eggsy’s ever seen. He’s dressed a bit more casually, in a pair of trousers and a green jumper, but he’s just as attractive as his friend. Husband, Eggsy corrects himself, noticing matching rings on their left hands.

“Good afternoon, young man,” the dark-haired man says. “My husband thought you were closed, but I was sure you kept spring hours.”

“Yeah…yes. We’re open all year long,” Eggsy says almost shyly. The man gives him a lovely smile and Eggsy is smitten.

“Yes, Harry, ye were right. Call the Queen so she can make it a national holiday.” The Scottish accent washes over Eggsy and takes him from smitten to absolutely sunk.

“There’s no need to be cheeky, Hamish.” Harry smiles at Eggsy again. “I’m sure this young man has better things to do than listen to us banter.”

“Nope, not really,” Eggsy manages. “Ain’t like we gotta lot going on here today.”

“Shame,” Merlin says. “We always enjoy stopping here when we’re on this side of town.”

Eggsy knows he has never seen them in the shop before. He’d most definitely remember them. “Well, now that you’re here, what can I get you?”

“A vanilla cone, please,” Hamish says.

“Vanilla?” Harry and Eggsy say as one.

“Really, Hamish…they have such interesting flavors and toppings, and you choose vanilla?” Harry scoffs.

“I like vanilla ice cream.”

“Well, I want you to have what you like,” Eggsy says, mentally kicking himself. He quickly scoops out a generous amount of vanilla ice cream onto a cone and hands it to Hamish with a napkin.

“Thank ye, lad.”

Eggsy looks at Harry. “I think…I think a hot fudge sundae. With butter pecan ice cream. And hundreds and thousands, if you please.”

Eggsy blinks at him. That was unexpected. “Yes, sir. Coming right up.”

“That sounds disgusting,” Hamish informs Harry, happily licking at his vanilla cone. He grabs a few more napkins and goes to sit across the room.

Roxy and Amelia reappear as Eggsy’s shaking the rainbow candies onto Harry’s sundae. “Good afternoon, sir. Getting everything you need?”

“Yes, my dear.” Harry leans in to look at the nametag on Eggsy’s tight polo shirt. “Eggsy here is taking very good care of us.”

“Excellent.” Eggsy murmurs the order to Roxy as he hands Harry the sundae. Harry gives her the money and she gives him change. “Have a good day, sir.”

“And you as well. Thank you for the excellent service, Eggsy.”

“My pleasure,” Eggsy says. He watches those long legs maneuver across the room to sit with Hamish. “Fuck ME it would be my pleasure. It would be my fuckin’ pleasure to do anything you want.”

“Eggsy!” Roxy hisses in a whisper.

“Ain’t like they can hear me. Jesus fuck they’re gorgeous.” He leans on the ice cream case and sighs. “Wouldn’t mind being the filling in THAT ice cream sandwich.”

“Oh here we go,” Roxy groans, although Eggsy knows she secretly loves it when he goes off like this. Although he’s never had such inspiration before. He watches Harry suck the whipped topping from his spoon, watches Merlin’s tongue wrap around his ice cream. Eggsy licks his own lips. “Eggsy, we have a new employee…”

“Oh, I don’t mind,” Amelia says quickly, although her cheeks are red. “He can say what he wants. You should hear my fiancé sometimes.”

“The bald one…Hamish…he looks serious. Like that in a man. Like a bloke who can put me in my place. And look at those hands. His hands are fucking HUGE. Bet they’d feel good on my arse, make it nice and red.” Eggsy swallows hard, mouth suddenly dry. He reaches for his water and takes a long swig. “They’re so tall…real long legs…wonder if their dicks are sized proportionately. I’m sure gagging to find out.”

“They’re married,” Amelia points out.

“Don’t care if they don’t. Bet that Hamish is bossy in the bedroom…tells his husband just how he wants it. I’d be fine with that. Take orders from either of them.” Eggsy imagines that, standing naked before them…no…kneeling before them. Doing whatever they say. “Let them spitroast me in a heartbeat…let Hamish fuck me while I’m sucking Harry’s…”

“EGGSY,” Roxy growls.

Eggsy couldn’t stop it if he wanted to. The fantasy is just too real. “But look at ‘em, Rox. Harry’s so damn posh. Looks like he just walked off Saville Row, don’t he? Hamish might be the naughty one, but Harry…Harry looks like he’d say please bend over, and thank you for taking my dick up your arse.” Eggsy clenches his hands into fists. “And I’m completely fine with that. I’d be fine even if they didn’t want the kinky stuff.”

“I’m sure they are just kind old men who…”

“They ain’t OLD, Roxy, not really. They’re older. Older men are better, anyway. Had more years to learn what they’re doing. And I bet those two know what they’re doing.”

“They’re going to catch you staring at them,” Roxy says in a resigned tone.

“No they ain’t. They look at each other, look around the room occasionally. Hamish keeps looking over, but he’s looking at the sign.” Eggsy points to the menu board above his head. “They ain’t giving me the time of day. Never would. Not men like them,” he says with a sigh. “And Christ, it would be so fucking good. Bet I wouldn’t be able to WALK when they was done with me. Maybe…”

No. He can’t say that out loud. He can’t say that he’d probably even let them fuck him bare, mark him with their jizz, fuck him until it drips out of him. He sighs and shakes his head. 

“Are you quite finished?” Roxy asks. He shrugs and gets a hold of himself. “Good, because the tables need wiped.”

“Roxy!” Eggsy whines. “I can’t go out there like this!” He looks down to where his tight jeans strain over his erection.

“You’re the one who put it there…deal with it.” She flounces to the back with Amelia giggling at her heels.

“Bitch,” Eggsy hisses, although he doesn’t mean it. He’s lucky his manager is such a good friend. He wets a towel and heads out to the dining area. Harry stands and goes to throw his plastic dish in the rubbish bin. Eggsy quickly bends over a table and starts wiping.

“Thank you again, Eggsy.”

“You’re welcome, sir.” Eggsy inwardly groans at the thought of calling Harry sir. 

He hears the bell over the door and continues wiping, hoping no one comes in until he can get his dick under control. He’s so focused on nonsexual thoughts that he jumps when he feels warm breath on the back of his neck. “There’s something ye should know, lad,” the Scottish burr breathes into his ear, making Eggsy harder than he’s ever been in his entire life.. Eggsy can feel Merlin’s body pressed close to his back and doesn’t move. “First of all, Harry and I have a unique set of skills acquired through our work…including the ability to read lips across the room.”

“Fuck,” Eggsy groans. He’s so fired.

“Secondly, I’m not the bossy one in the bedroom…Harry is. You see, at work I must tell him what to do for him to complete his tasks in an efficient manner. So at home, he is the boss. He is polite, ye are correct. He likes when I ask for his cock, and would prefer that ye ask nicely as well, even as we fuck your mouth and arse together. Our pricks ARE proportionate to our height, and…the only vanilla thing about me is my ice cream preference.” One of the large hands slides out in front of Eggsy on the table, leaving a business card in its wake. “And ye were wrong about one thing…we most definitely would give ye the time of day. Ye look quite delicious in your tight shirt and snug jeans, and I’m sure ye taste sweeter than anything this shop has to offer.” The pressure against his back disappears and Eggsy hears the bell above the door once again. 

Eggsy slowly stands up straight, legs so weak he has to grab onto a chair. He picks the card up and stares at it. “Merlin Hart, Kingsman Tailors.” The address is Saville Row, but the phone number is crossed out with a new number written in ink.

Eggsy looks toward the door, a faint smile on his face. He will most definitely have sweet dreams that night.


End file.
